These words are taken from unsolicited letters to Birthright from clients we have served. Some changes have been made to protect the anonymity of the writers. We are grateful to them for the courage it took to share their journey.
I’m sending you this letter in the hope that it will help other girls who are in the same position I was in. Most girls have a first love and he was mine. He was twenty-three and I never dreamed that I could feel the way I did about him or ever love a person so much. He was “just right” in my eyes and I believed nothing could go wrong between us – that is, until I got pregnant.
He brought up abortion first. I knew something had to be done, but I wanted to have the baby, even if we had to run away. But he kept worrying about what people would think. He spent a week convincing me to have an abortion but, at the same time, I was wondering why he didn’t call me as much or tell me that he loved me.
I remember calling places that offered help to pregnant teenagers and crying to a stranger over the phone. She begged me to come in and talk. I wish to God I had done just that. Instead, through tears, I made the appointment at the abortion clinic. I didn’t want to lose him. I clung to a stranger as I felt my baby sucked away from me. He was in the waiting room, and I expected him to walk through the door, stop the abortion, and tell me we would be married, that he didn’t want to kill our baby . . . He broke up with me two weeks after the abortion.
I see no way out of this depression. Feelings of guilt, shame, fear, love, anger, resentment, and remorse are inside of me. My precious little baby would have been born in July.
Don’t do what I did. It’s not worth it. A day does not go by that I don’t think about the terrible thing I did, and cry . . . I keep remembering Dr. Seuss’ words, “I just have to save him, because after all, a person’s a person, no matter how small.”
Never put more faith, trust, and belief in another person that you have in yourself. You are your only best friend and your only consoler is you.
I wish I could convey to every girl who walks through your door the importance of her decision about her pregnancy and how it will be with her the rest of her life. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was very confused and I didn’t want to embarrass my parents. The father of the baby was pressuring me to get an abortion. When I look back now, yes, I think there would have been a good deal of shouting, but I know now that my parents could have handled it. Not my boyfriend, though. He went his own way and abandoned me three weeks after the abortion.
The following year, I married and again became pregnant, even though we had faithfully practiced birth control. Again, an “unwanted” pregnancy. We were both selfish and “on the move”. A baby didn’t fit in our lifestyle, so I again aborted. That was over four years ago, but I will never forget.
Now, after six years of marriage, we are trying to have a family, but we cannot conceive. This has forced us to look at the past but it is too late to change those two decisions. When I see children that would have been the same age as the babies I aborted, it is painful.
Every situation and every woman is different, but I believe, after talking with friends who have also terminated pregnancies, that the constant regret is a common factor. I am afraid it will never go away.
You are not alone.
If you are facing an untimely pregnancy, let us help you.
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